Today, I’ve decided to share a new room of sorts in my House of Gem. That room is my zen studio. One of these days I’ll feel confident enough to share an accurate photo of what it looks like but felt that it a good time to open up about this space of mine to all who enjoy reading my posts. I’ve really been spending a lot of time in this studio since Ive been ‘Eat, Pray, Loving’ these days.
Anyone who knows me can agree how open I am about my Christian past. I come from an African Christian household and my father was a Methodist pastor during my early childhood and I got to understand where friendship started from during those years.
As I’ve grown up, I’ve had my own struggles of what it means to be a child of Christ and how I’ve identified as being more spiritual in the teachings of what it means to be one of Gods children. Everyone is entitled to their own doxology and denomination and I honestly don’t want to make it a religious banter. I proud-fully open up to anyone about my art history major in my early college years and would feel a level of homecoming anytime a renaissance art piece brushed shoulders with the secular interpretation of the pagan times.
I remember how I would spend hours upon hours interpreting what those art pieces meant during politically heightened times and as college progressed, I found it hard to stand strong to my church life beliefs while also having to be an interpreter of history through religious works. So I felt it was time to reinvent myself into something better than a ‘historian date-teller’. I did what any anti-social art history student did and decided to be more communication bound with my appearance in a group. I honestly just didn’t want to be looked at funny for being so ‘open-minded’ about everything and seen like most of my college classmates on being perceived as one of those ‘freeloaders’ or ‘education fillers’ on how generalized art history majors can be flipped for.
I dueled with myself with how religious-minded my school education had been while still needing to flip the coin on how superficial I came off to most for still ‘interpreting’ other cultures or spiritual groups for their voice to be heard. After college I got the low end of the scale. The, ‘get your head out of the clouds look‘ and ‘ not everyone things that being a Buddhist is fun‘. My favorite would be ‘how can transgender or pan-sexual people be part of the coexist movement.’ I felt deflated inside knowing that everyone didn’t have the same factual acceptance on how each group needs one another and got mad on how communications degree just capitalized on everyone’s fun ‘side’ to get ANY type of message across.
After a while my old Christian reflections started coming up to shore in my life. Suddenly being part of the ‘flock’ didn’t seem so foreign and wanting to be in church to smell the church pews wasn’t such a bad idea. I felt this distortion about how I didn’t really fall far from the family tree by deciding to be the ‘peace-maker’ in the community and that my father was the peace-maker of his own church congregation.
But then when he left the church, I kinda took it as a half handed insult because then he no longer wanted to tether or converse on the day-to-day synchronicities of the biblical times and how modern life opened a new chapter of being spiritually lead. It was almost like he forgot about his first flock, his family, and left those fellowship-like teachings in the home too. Like any daughter, I took it at a message that this path I had chosen should also be left behind because it doesn’t fit the times anymore. I would try and makes sense of the world and would reflect on how some ancient rulers and emperors deserted their own flock and congregation until they waited for the plea of the people for recourse of action.
Sorry not sorry for my tone on that one. I can still feel the thorn fresh as the day I felt when I had to heal for myself what those times really meant for me and my family. I’ve always questioned why I had to hear God’s voice in the secular but to deny that voice after a while, almost felt like denying part of my own identity. I had too many friends that were afraid of denying their own love for someone due to their sexuality. Too many examples of friends who would deny their own talents in the wrong profession because it didn’t make enough money.
I can now understand why Coco Chanel loved wearing black toward the end of her career. Now, that color speaks loudest to me because that’s the color that finds me the best in a room. I hope this post made a connection with someone reading this. Today, I can say, I’m happy I didn’t leave my spiritual teachings from school behind and always welcome a new show to open up those thoughts.Shameless plug, but American Gods on Starz is my latest craze! Season One is also free 😀