Flirting with February

Well, well, well. February definitely got me in a pickle. I don’t know about you but when time got close to the 14th, I was even letting the romance of the day get to me. It’s not that I don’t enjoy watching acts of love be praised on that day, it’s just that I never quite knew how to react to it. Clearly we can all remember a good chick flick of some kind where the guy goes above and beyond to set a trail of roses to this well lit table with a beautiful background and the song ‘I’ll Make Love to You’ by Boys II Men playing.

I had older sisters 8 and 10 years older than me, so my standards in acts of love were pretty high from the jump. And as I grew up, I got to learn that no guy has time to set all that up because most of them don’t know how to cook and the other half don’t want to spend so much money to show a girl that they are worth the fantasizing just for one day. That probably came out bitter but hear me out.

A girl has to muster up a lot of courage to admit that they still want to feel a little giddy in the love department during February or in any other time of the year. And then the guy has to make it come off like they do that type of extravagant stuff everyday, so after a while, both parties can become a little jaded in what they really want because of false expectations.

So when Valentines Day presented itself this year, I wanted to remencense in all the other ways I show love to myself instead. I know, pretty shallow LOL. Everyday in the month of February, I tried to allow the feelings of love and adoration to come to the surface. Nothing too special really. For example, I let myself show feelings towards the guy I was dating at the time come out more organically than I typically would and opened up to people close to me about how we can better communicate through our love languages versus what I allowed to be a common response.

I even splurged on myself too! But as the days passed it got me thinking about my old flames. And this girl right here had a good roaster of men to look back at 😉 . Some were more romantic than others ,while a couple were too dramatic to follow, and I even wished one of them a happy birthday. As you could expect, there was no reply from them but I don’t regret reaching out because life is too short to lie about the moments missed.

I have to admit I have come a long way in my relationships and even have learned to cherish my love language. I used to want words of affirmation to be given to me but now I just enjoy time spent. That’s where I know the real money is. Gifts will always be appreciated but spending time with me always makes this girl feel special. ❤

I used to have a long distant relationship and in the beginning, everything was good. But looking back now I can now see how I would brush off the fact that the distance did affect me and I would’ve rather had them close by to help me feel secure. Maybe I withstood that relationship because from the day I was born my father wasn’t present and everytime my family would retell my birth story they would make it very evident that he wasn’t there but was there for my other siblings births towards the end.

I had it summed up in my head for a long time that my love had to remain distant because I needed to grow up with my maturity unlike others who would have the ability to see their significant others close by. I even tried looking for a partner closer to me because I didn’t understand why I attracted guys so far away from me.

It took me even more time to fully come to terms with the fact that I couldn’t choose the person I attracted but that it happened for a reason. And that every relationship afterward revealed that part of the struggle of dating is working on seeing each other in the same room regardless of the geographical distance.

Once February 29th came I was more than ready to be done with the daily devotional I layed out for myself because I saw how most people want to bask in the feeling of love, express their own terms of love, but would rather live with their expectations of love at an arm’s length away.

Shrek was right, love is like an onion and you have to peel back a lot of layers before you find it.

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